i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
