you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
