So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
