So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
