so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
