Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
