No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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