you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
