She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
