So drunk its hurt
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
