Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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