He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I need moral support for this bender
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
