Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
