dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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