I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
