My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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