he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't deserve a penis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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