I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
