And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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