I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize