I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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