theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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