If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My hand turned me down
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
