Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize