it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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