im about as happy as oj after his trial
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
