Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
