i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
