I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
