What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
