i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
