Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
