do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
