It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
