I CAN MOONWALK!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
