drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i believe in u and ur pee
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
