I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Buhtt sex?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
