even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
