I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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