Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
