It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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