we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
