peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I could make wine with my vomit
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
