I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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