my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
