so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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