So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize