I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
