i already hear my dad disowning me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
