If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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