ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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