I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize