see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
