Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
