My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
