FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We're too hungover to prance.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
