That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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