"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
