I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sarcasm needs its own font
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
