so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
