She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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