He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
