i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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