she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
