wat bout pragnant strippers??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
