i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
