did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
