And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
