im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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