my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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