Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
