The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
