there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
