Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
