Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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